I just want to start off this blog by saying that I am a teenager, so I don't have all the answers, but I constantly think about things.
Accept or appreciate the past
Don't linger on things that have happened in the past. Those things have already happened, so being upset about them does not give you any benefit. You should try and prioritize looking to see the good in what happened. It may not be all good, but think about how it could have been worse. If it is really an outrageous thing that happened and not something you can look kindly to, then don't waste time thinking about it. Don't entirely forget what happened; just don't spend time thinking about it.
Some ways I would try to look at it in a positive light are to see how this event has shaped you as a person so you won't make the mistake again. If it was a good thing and it stopped, focus on how it was good and the enjoyment you had with the good thing; don't focus on how it ended.
You can also look at how it could have gone worse. Say you got an interview with a company you want to work for, but after the interview, they declined you. Realize that you got the interview in the first place; that is worth being happy about.
Seeing things in this way will allow you to be happier with what you have and understand that what happened happened, so being angry won't change anything about the past, as you can only change the future. Try to be happy about things; it will not only make you feel better, but it will also make others feel happy when they are near you and end up making you feel even happier.
Anticipate the bad
This is a hard one, but if you can try and anticipate the bad, it will make you feel so much happier about future results. If something ends up being good, then you are going to be even happier about it; if it ends up being worse, then you will feel neutral about it because that is what you were anticipating.
This one is hard to find a balance with, though; you can't let the anticipation stop you from doing something. If you always wanted to do something but you constantly thought about how it could end badly, don't let that stop you from doing it. Take the anticipation as a way to understand what can happen and not as a reason to not do it.
If you are trying to do something and have very high expectations for it, and it is even just slightly not as you hoped, you won't feel that much gradification. If you expect it to not be that good, then that same success will make you feel so much more fulfilled and happy. If you have high expectations and they are just as you hoped, then you are going to feel happy, but nowhere near how happy you would be if you entered expecting a failure. If you have high expectations and it is better than you hoped, then both of your enjoyments are going to be amazing.
Have you ever tried smaller video games, restaurants, etc. and been blown away by how good they are? This is because you never expected anything good from it. This thing could have even been worse than other things you have tried, but because you came in with low expectations, you were surprised and happy.
Don't hate someone.
This can be very hard for people, as you naturally want to hate people who did something wrong to you. I am also not by any means saying you need to love this person or even be friends with them; just don't hate them. Understand that this person could be going through something or does not understand what they are doing.
We have all been in a place where we have said or done something we shouldn't have. You were probably in a situation like this; you were probably upset with something, and you accidentally lashed out at someone you should not have. We all feel bad about these times and wish we had not done the things in question. If they did something like that, cut them some slack and try to understand their situation.
This person could have been trying to help, but the execution ended up being bad. This is worse if you hate the person who did this. The problem is that you probably hate them and didn't realize they tried to help. This is going to make the receiving person feel very shy and bad about themselves. Think about what they did and what they could have done that you did not see.
Hating a person is not going to help anyone, especially you. Thinking about these negative thoughts about someone is not going to make you feel any better. Deep down, you might even know that being upset at this person is a bad thing, and you should maybe try to help them or ignore it.
Right the ones you have wronged
When you were a little kid, when you would hurt someone, and everyone would tell you to say "sorry" to the other person. This was being false to yourself and the other person. Both of you knew that you were only saying sorry because someone told you to. You are not really saying sorry.
What you should try to do is truly reflect on yourself and understand that what you did was bad. Only at that time can you truly apologize to someone. They might not take your apologies, but you and maybe they, deep down inside, will know that you did something bad and truly did not like what you did.
You may never understand what that person was thinking when you did your bad thing, but whenever in doubt, you should apologize. If you did something and think they might have taken it in a bad way, then you should apologize just in case. People are confusing, and so are you to everyone else. You need to realize that you could have done something they did not appreciate.
A true apology will not only make that person feel better, but it will also make you feel better. You will feel this deep disturbance in you, thinking about what you did. Recognize that you did something good by apologizing, even if you messed up in the past. Most people can't truly apologize and won't out of fear.
Be social and see real people.
Being social can be very hard for some people, like me. The thing I can recommend is trying to somehow get a friend who is social. I was very lucky to find a friend who pretty much everyone can get along with, so they mentally introduced me to being more social.
You could be "social" by talking to people on the internet or having group chats. What I mean by being social is that you should try to go into the real world and be social. You might not be social and think that being social online will be an easy transition to being social in real life, but trust me, it is not.
You also don't have to be a social butterfly to be considered social to me; I just mean that you have people that you talk to daily. The medium in which you all mostly speak should be in person. This connection to talk to someone this way is much more powerful than even just texting them.
I would also recommend just spending time with people; it does not even have to be that you go somewhere in particular, like a restaurant or one of your places. Just agree to go somewhere like a mall or plaza and just hang out. Be with the flow, and just interact with them.
Being social gives you many benefits; it allows you to have friends with whom you can ask serious questions. Multiple brains are better than one, so if you need help with something, you can ask the group, and collectively, you can all agree on what would be best. Better yet, if you need help with something mentally or physically, these people will be there for you and will be willing to help you.
Live an addiction-free life.
This is one of the more important ones to me. I think you should try to live a life where you are fully in control of yourself. If you think there is anything you do that controls your life or something you require, try to cut it out.
If you are fully in control of your mind and body, then you are going to feel much better about the things you do. These things you are addicted to can range from as simple as nail biting or coffee to as serious as a porn or alcohol addiction. You should try to fully stop these things.
The hardest part is realizing that you will have to never do these things. Even if it is in a controlled quantity, it will still give your brain too much dopamine for your body to just forget. The worst part about these addictions is when you think that what you are doing is a healthy or normal amount. You need to think that anything above 0 is an unhealthy amount because it can quickly become bad.
If you are trying to stop an addiction, the first place to look is within yourself, and you should know that most likely it is just a mental game. The hardest part is trying to not even think about the thing you are addicted to. Try to only think about how you want to stop when you are thinking about the addiction, but for the rest of the time, you should just focus on other things.
Try and help others who you think need it.
Pretty much everyone can agree that helping others makes you feel good. If you see someone who is struggling, don't just silently pass as if you saw nothing or think that they will figure it out on their own. They might not even realize they are struggling.
Think about a time when you were feeling bad or struggling. Think about how it would be different if someone truly acted like they wanted to help. If someone did try to help, you most likely tried to turn them down. If you are helping someone, don't force them into taking your help; also, don't just give up. If it's someone you know or will see again, try asking them again after some time.
Some people are very good at hiding their emotions, so if you think they might be struggling, you might not realize that they are struggling more than you originally thought. Helping these types of people will bring a new type of happiness into your life that you never knew you needed.
If you help others, them and others will see that. If you ever need help, others will remember what you did and maybe pay back what you did. This mysterious helper might feel more inclined to help because they have a good association with you, so they think you deserve it.
Clear your mind
This, I think, is the most important one. Clearing your mind allows you to control your emotions better and allows you to just enjoy living. These are also very nice, as they give you a time where you don't have to worry about anything and get time away from life. This can be done in many different ways, but you have probably heard about meditation and yoga.
If you are a non-religious person or a Westerner, you might not practice meditation. Meditation is really nice once you get used to it. It can be very uncomfortable at first, and you might not see any gain from it, but trust me, the emotional reset you gain afterwards is very refreshing. There are many different guides to meditation, but you can just try it out every day for a week and see how it affects you.
Yoga is another way to gain this clarity, but you have to do a specific type of yoga. Many Westerners will think of yoga as an exercise, but the real benefit is when you do it for meditation reasons. The type of yoga I am talking about is called yin yoga. There could be different types of yoga that have the same goal, but I found this type of yoga to be very relaxing and soothing. Doing yoga can be tough, as you don't know what to do besides following videos. I have found that both guided and unguided are very nice, so you can try both. Unguided might be harder and might require you to have done some guided yoga a few times to see how it works and feels.
Working out is something that we have all heard about and know about. Most of you probably workout, but it does clear your mind, so if you don't do it, you should try it.
If you are feeling distressed or want to just relax after something bad happens, just try and do something relaxing like one of the above. These will make you much more relaxed and happy with your current situation. The best is if you do these every day and put them into your routine.
Find what you like and do it.
This is most applicable to people who are also teenagers, so I don't know if this applies to you, the person reading. What many people need to realize is that if you are constantly doing something you dislike, then you are always going to be annoyed and upset.
I also know many adults who work in jobs that are just "get-by jobs", as in, they do the job, and it's just a job for them. They don't try to gain any happiness from the job; they just want the money from it. For these people, they need to find something they like and just start doing it.
You don't need to do this thing as your job; just try to do it in your free time and have fun. If you like sports, you should play some; if you like coding, code in your free time. Doing this will allow you to meet new people and find people who have common interests.
The best thing that would end up happening is that you end up making this your job. It could never be your job and probably won't, but you can still do these things in your free time and have enjoyment.
Be in nature
This one is hard for people who live in big cities, but being with nature gives you a nice sense of calmness. People in big cities might have parks, but I can guarantee you that being in a park is not the same as being in a forest or the wilderness.
Nature has the perfect sense of quiet and sound. If you go into a forest or into nature and you are distracted by something, it will be very quiet, but if you go and just experience it, you will see how loud it is. This sense of loudness lets you appreciate how many other things in the world there are and how many of them are just oblivious to whatever you are going through. You might also learn that if you don't pay attention to what is happening and only look at what you want to, you will get a blurry picture of reality and won't realize how much more is happening.
You don't have to walk in nature or the forest; you can just sit there and listen to how many other things there are out there. It's a very relaxing feeling. It's hard to describe; you just have to experience it.